Hated By The Daily Mail

Since the Mail attacked Ed Miliband’s late father in a display of what-the-fuckery unfathomable even for the official newsletter of what-the-fuckery parish, the Are you Hated By The Daily Mail? meme has been doing the rounds. Gosh, it’s a tricky one. I mean, obviously I’m a woman who doesn’t see marrying a rich man, having his children and making them gender-stereotypical mufti-day costumes as a pinnacle of achievement, so that’s a problem to start with. And my dad and his employer were targets of a politically-motivated Mail smear-story when I was little, so that’s pretty clear cut too. But how does a pacifist atheist with Quaker sympathies compare to a Muslim or Jew? Is sexual orientation a greater offence the higher up the Kinsey scale you go or is it pretty much hi-ho-and-into-the-hellfire-you-go for anyone greater than zero? (And does bisexuality cause cancer…?) Is dyspraxia a legitimate impairment today or not? What about having no siblings – is that beneficial or damaging this week? Are grammar schools good or bad? Is vegetarianism good for my health (and my all-important figure…) or are points deducted because I started it after the hippies outside Tesco in 1995 gave me leaflets about slaughterhouses? Wait, my mother’s East German! She says she did the allegiance to the Queen with her fingers crossed behind her back. Does that sweep the floor? Or am I OK because my German grandma – even though she still votes for the old two-communists-on-a-bike party – loves everything to do with the British Royal family? 

So many questions! I must be told.

On second thoughts, I think I’ll live. And assume the Mail hates me, because ultimately, it hates everyone.

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